Melancoly...

Ok, FYI... this is Chris just talking. To himself, to no one in general, to everyone... it doesn't matter. I just feel the need to unburden myself, and at this moment an inanimate object (like the computer) that only talks back to me when I desire it to is refreshing.

So, I'm sitting here listening to Creed... specifically "My Own Prison"... a song that speaks to our human nature all to well. Here are the lyrics for all not familiar w/the song.

"My Own Prison"

A court is in session, a verdict is in

No appeal on the docket today

Just my own sin

The walls are cold and pale

The cage made of steel

Screams fill the room

Alone I drop and kneel

Silence now the sound

My breath the only motion around

Demons cluttering around

My face showing no emotion

Shackled by my sentence

Expecting no return

Here there is no penance

My skin begins to burn

(And I said oh) So I held my head up high

Hiding hate that burns inside

Which only fuels their selfish pride

(And I said oh) We're all held captive

Out from the sun

A sun that shines on only some

We the meek are all in one

I hear a thunder in the distance

See a vision of a cross

I feel the pain that was given

On that sad day of loss

A lion roars in the darkness

Only he holds the key

A light to free me from my burden

And grant me life eternally

Should have been dead

On a Sunday morning

Banging my head

No time for mourning

Ain't got no time

(And I said oh) So I held my head up high

Hiding hate that burns inside

Which only fuels their selfish pride

(And I said oh) We're all held captive

Out from the sun

A sun that shines on only some

We the meek are all in one

[Guitar break]

I cry out to God

Seeking only his decision

Gabriel stands and confirms

I've created my own prison

I cry out to God

Seeking only his decision

Gabriel stands and confirms

I've created my own prison

(And I said oh) So I held my head up high

Hiding hate that burns inside

Which only fuels their selfish pride

(And I said oh) We're all held captive

Out from the sun

A sun that shines on only some

We the meek are all in one

(And I said oh) So I held my head up high

Hiding hate that burns inside

Which only fuels their selfish pride

(And I said oh) We're all held captive

Out from the sun

A sun that shines on only some

We the meek are all in one

Should've been dead on a Sunday morning

banging my head

No time for mourning

Ain't got no time

Anyway, right now things are just dreary. One would think that w/ all the warmth and sunshine I would be happy and energetic... unfortunately I find the exact opposite. We all know that I'm not exactly the most social person, but very seldom right now to I desire to be around anyone.

I feel very lost... that feeling of being in a huge ocean, just treading water and able to see nothing around (go figure... the guy who is deathly scared of water is making these analogies). I have general stated purposes, and large outstanding edicts that direct me (Be pleasing to God, Do a good job at work, etc.) but I am lacking something. More than just a drive... I am lacking a goal.

It seriously feels like an assembly line... plodding along, going to work, running to class, coming home, doing homework, taking care of household needs, going to sleep (and not getting enough of it), and then waking up and doing it all again. At times the weekend provides a momentary distraction as the monotony breaks, but quickly everything falls into place.

I don't know... it just seems that there is something more that I'm missing. I seriously think I was meant to do something more... be something more, do something different, and it feels like that undefined "thing" is rapidly slipping through my fingers.

Worry not about me... as I said, I'm just talking to get things released from my brain, lest they continue to smash around in there w/ no outlet and pulverize what few brain cells I have. Your prayers are coveted... feel free to leave responses as the Spirit prompts. Simply realize that, in the words of Yeats,

"...But I, being poor, have only my dreams;

I have spread my dreams under your feet;

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams"

A side note as I leave. Expect that the general way (read "freqency") in which I post on this blog will be the norm for the near future. Between the aforementioned work, school, homework, church, meetings, other time commitments, reading and general needs of life I simply am not able to post in a regular manner. I understand others are able to do so, and enjoy that as I can occasionally read their works... I simply cannot. Thanks for understanding.

Until next time...

Waxing Poetic...

So I thought that I would post a few of my favorite poems

First, there is Lewis Carroll's "Jabberwocky". When I first came upon it as a young boy, I enjoyed it just b/c of the funny words. As I have grown, however, I have really enjoyed the story and the mental picture that I get every time I hear it.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

'Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!'

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought--
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

'And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Second is Rudyard Kipling's "Recessional". I memorized this while in my high school British Literature class and delivered it on parent's night. Even though it started out being tied to school (not always the most-loved thing), I have grown to love the almost "scriptural" qualities of this work. It also speaks to the time of the English Empire, and something about that draws me. Overall, I just can't put into words exactly why enjoy the poem.

God of our fathers, known of old --
Lord of our far-flung battle line --
Beneath whose awful hand we hold
Dominion over palm and pine --
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget -- lest we forget!

The tumult and the shouting dies --
The Captains and the Kings depart --
Still stands Thine ancient sacrifice,
An humble and a contrite heart.
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget -- lest we forget!

Far-called our navies melt away --
On dune and headland sinks the fire --
Lo, all our pomp of yesterday
Is one with Nineveh and Tyre!
Judge of the Nations, spare us yet,
Lest we forget -- lest we forget!

If, drunk with sight of power, we loose
Wild tongues that have not Thee in awe --
Such boastings as the Gentiles use,
Or lesser breeds without the Law --
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget -- lest we forget!

For heathen heart that puts her trust
In reeking tube and iron shard --
All valiant dust that builds on dust,
And guarding calls not Thee to guard.
For frantic boast and foolish word,
Thy Mercy on Thy People, Lord!
-Amen.

Take care all, as you shovel out of your respective homes. Take heart in the fact that things are warming up (and don't think about the impending floods that will come after everything melts).

God Bless,
Chris Griese

Okay... one and all... the long-awaited, much debated, twiter-pated (hey... I was on a roll and looking for another "ated" word, and that was the first thing that entered my mind) 2nd post.

So, what does one talk about in blogs. Looking over the various post of other people, it really seems that this a random grab at the current thoughts or situations going on in one's life (BTW... I haven't looked it up yet... does anyone know if Merriam-Webster has a definition of "blog").

With this in mind, I am choosing to share a bit about my most recent "epiphany". Now, I know this is going to come as a shock to you all, but w/ all the talk about "man cards" (Mark... yours is still revoked... sorry dude!), I started thinking about other status' that fit me. Here it is:

I'm a GEEK!

Ok... I know. For those you of you who have fallen down (either from shock or from laughing so hard that you missed your seat and hit the floor), I'll take a minute before continuing. Seriously though... after careful (ok... it doesn't even take careful evaluation), the signs are all there.

1. I love Star Wars, can quote obscure lines from it (Yes... I know Greg, not as much as you, should you be reading this), and get upset when people say "So what that such-and-such happened out of order."
2. I collected comic books, and if that wasn't enough... at one time... stamps (enough said).
3. Monty Python is the funniest thing since... well... ever!
4. One word... TROGDOR!!!! http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail58.html And for fun... the game: http://www.homestarrunner.com/trogdor.html
5. I love Techno and Trance music.

And if this wasn't enough, I think I might qualify to get the official Freak card too! Consider:

Z.) I can quote lines from just about every movie I've seen, and when a situation occurs in real-life, I often think of how much it mirrors some movie.

Y.) I have the armament requirements for a small militia (for all FBI reading this... PRANK CALL... PRANK CALL!!!! Sure, it is my hobby, but when I can get in a 2-hour debate about whether the M-16 or the AK-47 has the probability of being more accurate, and then move into a discussion about the ballistics of the S&W 500 (ooooo.... Chris just got goose-bumps thinking about that round... see what I mean), we have moved past hobby and into the realm of... something crazy (I can't think of a clever line... sorry... it's almost 0030.

X.) I use military time religiously (see the last post).

W.) If there is a line, established by "political correctness" (oh... whole other rant right there) or not, I feel the need to cross it. As my boss says, "Chris... you see the line and then run 38 miles past it, turn around and wave!"

V.) I find tattoos intriguing (at worst) and enjoyable (at best).

U.) While at times both irreverant and crude, I totally enjoy things like Foamy: The Psychotic Squirrel (http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html).

Ok... that is enough. Basically the point is that I recognize I am both a geek and a freak, and am finding that I sort of enjoy it. So, what are everyone else's thoughts. Agree, disagree, thoughts, concerns, questions... righteous indignation?! Maybe someon might even decide to out themselves and tell about their geeky or freaky qualities (and if not... I might just do it for them!).

Anyway, that is my fantabulistic (hey... it's my blog, I can make up words if I want to. Add it to the lexicon of Chris) 2nd post. Enjoy.

Later...

Joining the "Revolution"...

OK, so never let it be said that I am not swayed by public opinion. Since everyone seems to be blogging, and I don't want to feel like the odd-man-out (anymore than normal... Mr. Morrison, you hush!), I thought I would try my hand at creating a blog.

I know... I can hear it now. "You're a techie... of course you should have a blog. What... you don't know how to do (blank)... unbelievable... you work w/ computers." Yes... but what everyone fails to realize is that I don't love computers... it is simply a job for me, and when I go home I get wrapped up in the things that I actually enjoy and would like a job in (those being Religion and Firearms... wow, sort of sounds like a cult waiting to happen... huh?!). But I digress...

So here is my first attempt at a blog, and my first post. Take care all, God Bless, and have a good week! :)